According to Islamic teachings,
the family is the foundation of society. But the family is not limited only to
one’s parents, brothers, and sisters. The Muslim family is a network of
relatives near and far, all of whom have rights and responsibilities in the
family structure.
Respect for Parents and Elders
A Muslim's duties to his or her parents
are secondary only to duties toward Allah, their Lord and Creator. The Prophet
Muhammad once asked his companions. "Shall I inform you of the biggest of
the major sins?" He repealed the question three limes, until tin-
people answered. "Yes, please inform us." Then, he said.
"Ascribing partners to Allah, and being undutiful to your parents."
Essential
Muhammad once said
that cursing one's parents is one of the greatest of sins. It is forbidden for
Muslims to ridicule, abuse, or call names the father or mother of another
person, even in jest.
Our
life would not be possible-without the sacrifice and hard work of our parents,
who cared for us and met all our needs when we were young. The Qur'an addresses
this point in one touching verse:
And your Lord has decreed that you worship
none but Him, and that you he kind lo parents. If one or both of them attain
old age during your life, say not lo them a word of disrespect, nor repel them.
But address them in terms of honor, and lower to them the wing of humility, out
of mercy and say. "My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy, as they did bung me
up win n I was young." ( 17:23-24)
Duties
to Parents
Muslims
are advised to treat their parents gently and respectfully. They should always strive
lo please them, and never bee tine impatient or rude with them. Muslims
consider it an honor and a blessing to be able to care for their parents in old
age. After all, it's the least we can do to repay them for all of their hard work and
sacrifice. Nursing homes and hospice care are virtually unheard of in the
Muslim world. Elderly and ill family members almost always remain in the home
of children or relatives, cared for and respected, until death.
Muhammad encouraged his followers to treat
their parents well and to be mindful of their needs. Once, a young man came
to him and wanted to join the Muslim army on the battlefield to defend the
community
from attack. Muhammad asked him if his parents were living. When the young man
said they were, he told him: "Then go back to your parents, serve them,
and deal with them kindly. This is as good as fighting for God's sake."
In
another case, a young man traveled from Yemen to be with Muhammad. When he
arrived, Muhammad asked him if he had asked his parents' permission before
coming. He hadn't. So Muhammad sent him home, with these instructions: "If
they permit you, then come back. Otherwise, be devoted to them."
Muslims
consider their parents' opinions about important matters, such as choosing a
career path, marriage, or relocating. As a Muslim gets older, any income he or
she earns is partially used to support his parents and meet their needs. After
their death, a Muslim prays that God will forgive his or her parents and show
mercy toward them.
It
is important to note, however, that a Muslim's duty toward his or her parents
is not blind obedience. No Muslim should obey his or her parents if they order
their child to do something that is in violation of Islamic law. In this
situation, a Muslim strives to advise the parents, educate them about Islamic
teachings in the matter, and ultimately serve God first and foremost.
Mother
First
Among
parents, it is usually the mother who makes the most sacrifice and endures the
most hardship in the care of her children. Islam recognizes this fact, offering
more honor to the mother as a parent. Muhammad once said, "Paradise is placed at the mothers' feet," so high is
their status and regard.
The Qur'an reminds people of the
sacrifices and hardships that mothers face on behalf of their children.
"And we enjoined upon mankind concerning parents: his mother carried him
in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is two years. Therefore show
gratitude to Allah and to your parents" (31:14).
On
another occasion, some people asked the Prophet Muhammad, "To whom should
we show kindness first?" He answered, "Your mother." Then he was
asked again, "And after that, then whom?" Muhammad again replied.
"Your mother." He was asked yet again, and he gave the same reply
again. "Your mother." Only after that, when he was asked one more
time, did he answer, "Then, your father."
Essential
Muhammad once
said, "Let his nose be rubbed in the dust; let his nose be rubbed in the
dust; let his nose be rubbed in the dust." When asked, "Who is it
that should be humiliated in such a way?" he answered, "That person
who finds his parents, one or both of them, attaining old age in his life, but
does not enter Paradise by serving them."
Non-Muslim Parents
If
a Muslim's parents do not believe in Islam, he or she is guided to treat them
with kindness and mercy out of respect for their sacrifices and unconditional
love. However, just as with Muslim parents, if a non-Muslim parent orders
something that goes against the faith, the Muslim is not to obey: "But if
they strive to make you join other gods in worship with Me, of which you have
no knowledge, obey (hem not. Yet accompany them in this life with
gentleness" (31:15). All other duties that a Muslim must show his or her
parents hold true, regardless of their faith.
Family Relationships
The family in Islam is not restricted to
immediate relatives of the nuclear" family. Aunts, uncles, cousins,
grandparents, second cousins and even neighbors form a complex web of
relationships that are tied through mutual rights and responsibilities.
In
Arabic, any adult woman is called Auntie (Khala) and any adult male ,s called
Uncle (Amo). One's uncles are as close as one's father, and one s aunts
are as close as one's mother. A "cousin" could be any number of
relations: first cousin, second cousin, cousins related through birth as well
as through marriage.
If something happens to a member of the family, the entire clan
pitches in to offer assistance. If a woman is widowed, her father and brothers
help her. If she has no immediate family, then uncles and cousins are obliged
to pitch in. The elders are cared for by their children or by their nieces,
nephews, or great-grandchildren. In this way, nobody is left to suffer in
loneliness or poverty; there is always someone to look out for them.
While
the culture of each individual family may vary, it is generally understood that
one person's business is open to the entire group. It is not considered rude
for a distant cousin to ask about a relative's income, or for a grandmother to
ask about a new couple's plans to have children. The personal boundaries can
sometimes be blurred, because people consider "family business" to be
everyone's concern. This is not done out of nosiness or to simply gossip.
Within the family, there is generally a true desire to share, strengthen the
bonds of trust, and offer sincere advice.
Duties to Kin
If Muslims are commanded to be respectful
and caring toward their parents, elders, and other family members, how does one
go about showing that respect? What duties does a Muslim have toward his or her
family?
Emotional Ties
The
Qur'an has strong words against those who "do not respect the ties of
kinship," calling them people who "transgress all bounds"
(9:10). The Prophet Muhammad once said, "The person who severs the bond of
kinship will not enter Paradise." On
another occasion, he said, "He who believes in Allah and the Last Day, let
him be hospitable to his guest; and he who believes in Allah and the Last Day,
let him maintain well the ties of kinship; and he who believes in Allah and the
Last Day, must speak good or remain silent."
Cutting off tics with one's family
is considered a serious sin, a violation of the sacred family unit. The first
responsibility a Muslim has toward family is to keep in touch with them,
inquire about them, and visit them in sickness and in health. When making life
choices, a Muslim considers the opinions of family members and heeds the advice
of elders.
Financial Obligations
In
addition to the emotional connection, a Muslim has a financial obligation
toward relatives. "And render to relatives their due rights, as also to
those in need and to the wayfarer, and do not squander your wealth in the
manner of a spendthrift" (17:26). In another verse, the Qur'an commands
Muslims to spend in charity "for your kin, for orphans, for the needy, for
the wayfarer, for those who ask, and for the ransom of slaves" (2:177).
When
distributing money in charity, it is advisable to look in one's own backyard
first. When Muslims give gifts to their family members, it is still considered
charity and they gain the reward for every dime or dollar spent.
Fact
In Islam, female
family members are entitled to financial support from their nearest relatives.
If a woman has no father or brothers, this responsibility extends to uncles,
cousins, or even the community at large. Female relatives have no such
responsibilities.
Benefits of Extended Family
In today's world, it is often difficult
for families beyond the nuclear family unit to remain together. Due to distance
and time constraints, many families gather only on annual holidays,
graduations, or weddings. Some relatives may practically be strangers to one
another. This leaves individuals floating without an anchor, without a sense of
community.
Support and Assistance
When
a larger network of relatives is close with each other physically and emotionally,
any individual member can count on the entire family for support. Grandma can
watch the children, uncles can help with household chores, aunts share cooking
responsibilities, and every adult contributes to the larger family unit. If one
member needs help, the others pitch in. If someone is ill, someone else is
there to nurse him or her back to health. Such was the lifestyle of countless
generations, but it has been lost to many of us in the past fifty years.
Companionship for Young and Old
When
there are more adults working together in the family, the children have more
role models and advisors. The children can hear their grandparents' childhood
stories and feel connected to the history of the family. In return, the elders
feel needed and loved. Since these relationships an; lacking in today's
society, some people are trying to create them artificially. Schools and
retirement homes have begun partnering up in some areas, bringing the young and
the old together for companionship and education.
Friends and Neighbors
Beyond our own families, there arc others
who are deserving of our respect and attention. Part of being a good Muslim is
paying particular attention to one's neighbors. When sharing a common area with
someone, regardless of their religious affiliation, Muslims strive to be
friendly and kind. Robert Frost's expression, "Good fences make good
neighbors," does not apply in Islam. Rather, Islam subscribes to the
"neighborhood watch" kind of attitude toward neighborly relations.
Essential
Muhammad once had a non-Muslim neighbor who would dump trash on his
doorstep every single day. One morning, he left his home to find that there was
no trash there. Concerned, he visited the woman's home to inquire about her
health. Sure enough, she was very ill. She was moved by his concern, and later
embraced Islam.
In Islam, neighbors should be attentive to
each other and protect each other. Our close proximity to our neighbors can
either result in friendship or conflict. The Prophet Muhammad once said,
"He is not a believer, who eats his fill while his neighbor beside him is
hungry." Neighbors should check on each other, and assist each other.
Another time, the Prophet Muhammad forcefully said, "He is not a believer!
He is not a believer! He is not a believer!" When the people asked him
what he meant, he said that he was speaking of "the one whose neighbor
does not feel safe from his evil."
Islamic Inheritance Laws
The Qur'an outlined Islamic inheritance
laws to ensure that no person is denied what is rightfully due to him or her.
The formulas for calculating inheritance are rather complicated. In all cases,
the Qur'an makes clear that distribution of inheritance is done "after the
payment of legacies and debts" (4:11). The rights of a lender have priority
over the rights of the heirs, unless the debt is forgiven.
Half for Girls?
There
is much debate over one aspect of Islamic inheritance law: the erroneous claim
that boys are "worth" twice as much as girls. The verse in question
is: "Allah thus directs you as regards your children's inheritance: to the
male, a portion equal to that of two females" (4:11).
When
considering this law, one must keep in mind the whole Islamic economic system,
of which inheritance law is just one part. Women have the freedom and right to
work and receive earnings. However, they are not obligated to spend their money
on the family's needs. Men bear the sole burden of financially supporting every
member of the family. So in essence, the money he earns is not his alone, but
the whole family's.
The
same is true of inheritance. The men of the family are obligated to use any
income, including inheritance, to provide financial support to the entire
family. Women receive their inheritance with no strings attached, no financial
obligations to fulfill. Therefore, Muslims see it as only fair that
the amounts be adjusted to reflect this reality. Among Muslims, this rule is
not considered derogatory to women, but rather is an affirmation of their
rights and freedoms.
In
addition, tin's ruling applies only when children (brothers and sisters) are
inheriting from their parents. When parents are heirs to their deceased
children's estate, the male and female divisions (for mother and father) are
equal. This indicates that the legal ruling is not a matter of men being better
or worth twice as much as women. Rather, it has to do with a young man's
financial obligations to his other family members after his parents are gone.
Before
the coming of Islam, women themselves were objects of inheritance, part of the
estate to be divvied up. The Qur'an abolished this practice: "From what is
left by parents and near relatives, there is a share for men and a share for
women—whether the property be small or large—a determinate share" (4:7).
This was a revolutionary idea at the time; indeed, in many parts of the world
women gained inheritance rights only in recent times.
ALERT!
In financial
dealings, women are generally on an equal footing with men. There is equal pay
for equal work, equal rights td own and dispose of property, and so forth. It
is only in specific circumstances of inheritance that a man might be given more
than a woman, to compensate for greater financial obligations in the future.
Life Insurance
As a concept; life insurance is
forbidden in Islam. There are two reasons for this. First of all, only God
knows the date and place of our impending death, and to seek some sort of
protection in matters of death is considered “gambling" on God. This is
unsavory, particularly if the contract involves the collection or payment of
interest funds. Secondly, in the Islamic social system, there is no need for
this extra protection Individuals are cared for and protected by the circle of
family, and in the absence of family, the wider community. If all else fails,
zakat (alms) may be used by the state to assist people in need.
*English Lesson
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